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JevInstincts
A sharp tongue can hurt as much as a physical
blow. This was brought home to me this past month, and it was a horrible
feeling. I’m not breaking any psychological ground when I say that
as we get older we develop a tough skin, and look for hidden meaning and
ulterior motives behind every action.
Children don’t have
these defenses and are totally vulnerable and open. Their little
minds take in everything we say and do, and pick up all of the subtle and
not so subtle nuances of our behaviour.
My son is a walking
talking giggling machine that loves to laugh, play, hug, and mostly be
loved. Like all little boys he pushes his boundaries, and tries to
assert himself and find out what he can do. The other day it took
me almost an hour to put together a small bookshelf. He had to help
me. His little toolbox was open beside mine, and he had to hammer
every nail, and test every screw.
He started banging
the wall with his hammer, and I tried doing the 1 – 2 – 3 thing, and wasn’t
getting anywhere. So I snapped at him. He stopped and stood
there looking at me. His big blue eyes suddenly started filling with
tears. His little lip started to tremble. He just stood there.
Uh-oh. I tried to reason with him by saying that daddy wasn’t
mad, he just wanted him to stop doing that. I opened my arms to embrace
my son, and he started to cry. I mean he really started to go.
Holy cow. I picked him up, and hugged him and rocked him, and he
kept whimpering, his breath coming in hitches.
This is pretty brutal
stuff. I was thinking of all the times I’ve seen parents yelling
at their kids, calling them names, and how this must make those children
feel. What’s really sad is that in order to cope, those little treasures
have to learn how to ignore the pain by hardening their little hearts.
I will never be a perfect
dad, and I’ll no doubt make every mistake that can be made, but I hope
to always have the love and trust of my children.
Jevster,
May 1999 |
