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JevInstincts
Volume VI number VI

Banana flavoured antibiotics. Hell they should taste great to kids - I have yet to meet a kid who doesn't like bananas. Even the pharmacist assured me on that fact. "It's our number one best seller!" Hmm, I thought grape was the universally endorsed flavour. What do I know? I'm not a health professional (but I've seen them on TV). But banana! How could I loose?

After carefully measuring out the prescribed dose of banana flavoured nirvana, I had to somehow get my two year old daughter to take said golden elixir of healing. I managed to get a single drop in which she promptly spit out.

Okay, this wasn't going to be easy, but dang it, I'M THE DAD. Over six and a half feet of parental authority, and I easily out weigh her by almost 220 pounds (give or take a donut).

Then I held her down and dribbled the medicine in through her clenched teeth. She was gacking and making the kind of fuss a sack of cats might make (don't ask me how I know). But I wasn't giving an inch. I was making slow but steady progress, but in my haste to get the last few drops in, I squirted in too much. I triggered her gag reflex and she did a passing impressing of Old Faithful. I had to admire the stream of half digested dinner as it arched up and over my lap, and landed on my wife. "Hmm," I said to myself "I didn't think she'd eaten that much dinner."

I had just discovered that you can lead a kid to medicine but you can't make her take it. So daddy (me) tried being creative. Oooh yeah, that was a great combination, me and creativity.

Of course I was back to square one.

Being creative I called the pharmacy (look, I didn't say how creative). I explained myself, and was again assured that banana was indeed the real deal. The pharmacist gave some creative hints on what to try to trick the kid into taking her medicine. Off to the store I went to buy some juice, apple sauce, pudding, cookies, and a book (okay, the book was for me. Since I was going to be up anyway, might as well have something to read).

I returned home the conquering hero armed with goodies. At this point my daughter was more than a little wary of anything we wanted to stick in her mouth. It was so bad even the chocolate cookies didn't get past her clenched teeth. I was stuck worse than an idiot on Jeopardy. My wife was stuck. The only person who was having a good time was my youngest son who loves banana. While we were fussing he was suckin' on the dropper when we weren't looking.

Of course eventually my wife (who else?) managed to get her to take it by cleverly alternating a bottle and the syringe. A day later my son who enjoyed the banana so much learned about natural consequences and got to have some every day, four times a day for ten days.

On the plus side, my daughter watching her brother enjoy the banana soon began to mimic her sibling.

Was there a point to all this? Not really, but I need to vent.

And ultimately I have to ask, is banana really better than grape?

Jevon the Tall
June 2003